


It's always you, isn't it?

by DidiNyx



Series: My Klance Fics [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Apologies, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Flashforward - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Gay Keith (Voltron), I promise, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, LGBTQ Themes, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Pining, Secret Crush, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Reflection, Self-Sacrifice, Slow Burn, dont worry i'll kind of expand on their relationship in ch2, fluff will come at the end, kind of a experimental piece, klance, post season five, season five plot, they need to chill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-13 17:50:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13575798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DidiNyx/pseuds/DidiNyx
Summary: Lance is head-over-heels in love... but with his rival, someone he swore he'd hate....*Keith doesn't know who to trust, and becomes increasingly frustrated that he finds himself longing for a certain blue paladin, in some ways more than others...ORLance is a mess, Keith is bad with feelings, that usual Voltron trope, w/ references of season five. Happy (late) Valentine's Day fam.





	1. in which love is a battlefield

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks Sunny and Greenie for helping me come up with this idea :) Love you fam
> 
> I was going to make this a little longer but for some reason finding motivation was a little tough. This wasn't even my original plan tbh, but I hope it's still enjoyable!!
> 
> (I am aware it may be a little confusing but bare with me, I'm trying to experiment. I'm pretty sure I can make up for it in the future though, with season five just around the corner :))
> 
> **UPDATED: Originally going to be one chapter but I'm impatient so here have chapter one as I finish chapter two tomorrow!**

Lance remembered the first time he actually met Keith Kogane.

And he was pained once more when he remembered he still had felt the same way as he did now, admist the space chaos, admist trying to find himself in a world that seemed to be changing beneath his feet too quickly.

He'd seen many burdens in his life - Losing his family, leaving Earth, fighting the Galra, his own self-loathing... 

He thought perhaps he'd seen it all. But no, one more problem walked into his life... another challenge, another factor that overcomplicated things more so than what has always been. 

And his name was Keith Kogane.

And there he was, similar to Icarus, flying (quite literally) all to close to the burning planet.

He was going to die.

And there was nothing Lance could do to stop him.

* * *

Keith had only one last thought as he saw his life flash before his eyes:

_Family._

He hadn't had one in a long time, with his parents gone, out to fend for himself. One by one they all seemed to fade away, even afterwards, away from his past: Shiro, the paladins of Voltron... possibly never to be seen again once he'd finish his self-sacrifice.

He now understood - and accepted - the numbness he felt when he left the team in the first place. He _did_ genuinely care about them all...

...And now he were to cause them more pain, simply my disappearing once more.

 _It's better this way,_ he thought. _The weaker team member is out._

He didn't mean Lance.

Oh, Lance - The one who got under his skin the most, with his jokes and flirting and seemingly carelessness... The person he was ashamed of wanting to form a relationship with that he denied ever remembering him at the Garrison; the first person he'd bonded with besides Shiro; the very person that he craved more so than he'd ever want to admit...

To think _he_ thought he had to leave the team... No. Keith had volunteered (yes, almost as tribute) to take Lance's place in his self-doubt. By leaving the team, Lance finally had a fair shot to prove himself.

Why throw thay away?

_Why throw away family?_

Keith could almost accept the death waiting for him.

* * *

 "Dude." Pidge's voice brought Lance back into the present. "You've been staring at him for the past twenty minutes. Are you okay?"

Lance shivered. _It wasn't supposed to happen this way,_ he thought. _I'm supposed to hate Keith, remember? I'm supposed to be his rival. I can't afford to dig this whole deeper, even if he is pretty ho-_

"Laaance," Pidge groaned once more, and Lance jumped.

"Hey, here's an idea: Stay out of my personal life." Lance pouted.

Pidge rolled her eyes, amused. "How much longer are you two going to play this game?" 

"What do you...."

Pidge shut her laptop and practically sat on the kitchen table, something neither princess Allura nor Coran would have approved of. She pushed her glasses farther up and continued: "I think it's obvious! You like Keith, and you're pining _so_ hard."

Lance scoffed. "How could you even say - what do you - whaaaa?"

"Don't play dumb with me," Pidge snapped. "I see what's happening."

When her claims were met with nothing but a stare, Pidge sighed once more. "I'm sorry, Lance. Maybe you still don't understand how you feel..." she said as an afterthought.

" _Hmmph_. I think I know exactly how I feel."

Pidge raised her eyebrows like _Sure, dude_. "Okay, but don't be surprised when you start falling in love." She made mock-kissing faces.

_Immature._

"I am not in love, Katie."

"Okay..." She grabbed her laptop. "Gotta go. Training...and stuff."

"Sure. Pfft, 'in love'," Lance continued as she left. "If only you truly knew..."

*-*

_Okay, maybe I'm a little in love._

He seriously didn't want to admit it. He had been - perhaps until Keith showed up - showing interest in girls for perhaps as long as he remembered. The feelings he had with Keith seemed different, and he couldn't place why... until he realized everything was _much_ more personal with Keith.

Besides, maybe this was a phase. Maybe it was _just_ a crush. How could he be sure? He'd never been a solid, genuine relationship...

_But didn't it take something strong to make you question your morality, your character? Something strong to make you want to work harder and prove yourself? Didn't take something special to make you blush, maybe even smile?_

_Didn't it take someone special to inspire you and, even after much fault commited, still make you want to love them in some way?_

Lance never understood the source of his own darkness, and at this point, he concluded, he may never know.

*-*

"I thought you said you didn't need my help," came the blunt, almost cold reply from the shorter boy in front of Lance. He wore his usual black T-shirt and jeans, his black hair messy of doing nonstop training for the past hour.

Keith Kogane.

"Ah," Lance began, trying to recollect his senses. "Well, to be fair, that was before I tried out level twelve on the training simulator... Plus, Shiro said we had to pass by this week? Yeah... just one demo and I think I should be good." He was oddly embarrassed. He never really asked for help, especially not with his "rival".

Keith's expression softened, and Lance's chest felt tight. "Alright," he said, voice lowered. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt."

_I'm a helpless case, jeez._

After going over the demo three times with Keith, Lance said "Okay, I think I finally got it."

Keith nodded. "It shouldn't be too hard for you... You were quite capable of last week's exercises, in all reality this one should be pretty easy too."

"Kogane complimenting me? Am I dreaming?"

Keith rolled his eyes, though there was a hint of a smile behind it. "Don't get too comfortable with the idea," he teased. "But for real..." He paused, and Lance held his breath.

"You've been improving. I'm...we're proud of you." His voice was so soft Lance couldn't believe Keith had said it.

Before he could reply, Keith was already walking towards the exit door.

*-*

_Why. Why must everything in my life be so complicated?_

Lance threw down his bayard and collapsed into bed.

_This always happens. I always ruin it._

Fights with Keith weren't too uncommon. In reality, they were usually petty arguments over petty things, simply because they felt the need to jump on each other's case on a daily basis. Sometimes, however, it turned into something more personal: Maybe Keith said something harsh, maybe Lance pushed his luck too far... Whatever the case, they both ended up wounded. 

Things, of course, worked themselves out every single time. But it still felt terrible right afterwards, after their andrenaline calmed and they processed exactly what happened.

 _Does he see me as a joke?_ quickly turned to  _Did he think I was joking?_

All, of course, because simple arguments turned into actual, wholehearted debates concerning each other's health and safety as time went on.

"I don't _care_ if it's dangerous," Keith growled. "I am not letting the Galra hurt us again."

"For once, Keith, could you focus on someone else besides yourself!?"

Of course Lance didn't mean it like _that_ , yet it was said, the fight was done, and no one won.

_Does he seriously think I don't care at all? If not, why did he leave?_

* * *

 "I know what's bothering you, and I think you all should settle it..." Shiro said calmly as he and Keith took a break from an hour long simulation training.

Keith wiped his brow. "Are you kidding? Try reasoning with Lance yourself and you'll understand the pain."

_Perhaps that was too strong?_

Shiro winced. "I know this time felt more... real than what it has been, but..."

"Yes?" Keith asked, frustrated. _No one could understand the pressure,_ Keith thinks. _If they saw him the way I do perhaps they'd get it...._

Out of everyone else walking away from him, why is it that Lance leaving him felt as if the situation was fresh? Why was it so bitter? Why couldn't he just remain being friends with Lance, why did he have to make things complicated -

"...You guys are a team. I'll say that much."

Keith waited for Shiro to elaborate. It never came.

Shiro sighed and turned to leave. "Just think about it, okay?"

_Right. Because thinking always solves my problems._

*-*

Just the other day Keith and Lance had been talking out of the blue, about such an insignificant thing when compared to the fate of the galaxy in their very hands. Keith remembered the conversation vividly, though he couldn't recall how it all began.

"And so you say you jumped the fence?" Keith asked, amused. He actually laughed a little.

Lance chuckled. "Correct. That was my first day on my own, in the crazy wilderness we call life!" He made an overdramatic flourishing gesture and giggled himself. "Reminder, I was only five. And scared to death. I felt so guilty about running off afterwards that I cried to my mom, pathetically admitting my crime."

"The crime of a five-year-old," Keith mused.

"Yes," Lance said with a breathless laugh. 

How come they were to talk so casually even after uncomfortable situations such as their arguments, Keith had no idea, and yet they made it work. That was the typical story. They'd fight, scream, try to outwit each other, but in the end always crawled back, ready to defend the other when needed.

After being alone for most of Keith's life, it was very much needed.

"That reminds me..." Keith muttered, recalling a faint memory. "As a child, I'd like to run a little outside my own house's boundaries, back in Texas..." Lance remained silent has Keith paused with a frown, trying to remember the whole story. "Father would let me, for awhile. Then he'd get anxious and tell me to make my way back to the front door... Sometimes I listened, sometimes I continued to run, so far out that I could barely even seen the figure of my father there, waiting for me. I think I once asked if I could stay outside one night, just for the heck of it... I wanted to run away. Not to leave him, but..." Keith cautiously looked back at Lance, worried that he rambled too much.

"...You felt the need to get away," Lance finished for him.

It was true. How did Lance know? He wasn't easily read by others. How come Lance understood so well?

Keith remained more quiet that day.

*-*

"Where do you think you're going!?" Lance shouted, throwing his bayard onto the floor.

Keith's anger boiled in his chest, and Keith paused his training simulation. "Away. What does it look like?"

"You can't leave me!" came Lance's shrill voice. "You're just _jealous_."

Keith whipped around so fast he almost bumped into Lance's forehead, who'd been increasing his pace since Keith moved toward the exit door. "Jealous? How come so? No, Lance, you're mistaken. It's not jealousy. It's - " Keith abruptly stopped himself, momentarily forgetting what had caused his shouting as he processed his words for the first time.

"It's _what_ , Keith? C'mon, spill it!"

Keith growled in rage. "Forget it."

"YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY FOREVER, KEITH!"

Keith clenched his jaw before muttering "Maybe I plan too," before leaving.

*-*

A soft knock snapped Keith back to reality, and he quickly put away his knife. 

He had been numbly staring at it, as he always does when drained in some way - It was his only reminder of the past, and he often wondered how come he was the way he is. The knife never revealed any answers to him. It was simply an object - the only item Keith truly cherished.

"Yes?"

"It's me..." Lance's sorrowful voice came through. "I'm... sorry."

Keith bit his lip. "I am too. What... made you want to apologize?"

Lance slowly opened the door, walking awkwardly in, shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets. "It's you," he said, voice barely above a whisper. "It's always you."

Keith didn't even realize how meaningful those words were, and only later would have the revelation it alluded to.

But for now, he had this moment. He allowed himself to pull Lance closer into an embrace.

Lance laid his head on top of Keith's and hugged back. 

They chose to stay, as opposed to running.

* * *

It pained Keith to leave. It really did.

He realized three things when he finally did leave, with the other paladins (plus Allura and Coran) wishing him luck in a short, rushed farewell.

One: He couldn't be the Black Paladin. He wasn't made for the job - _Shiro_ was the Black Paladin, and in Keith's opinion, never stopped being so. After Shiro, the only person who'd been there for him when he needed someone the most, disappeared without a trace, Keith had been distraught. Helpless. Almost completely alone. It would feel wrong to follow in his footsteps... Or, at least, it was too soon.

Shiro deserved being the Black Paladin. Keith did not.

Two: Lance had a shot to prove himself. "Perhaps it's best for me to step aside," he'd said. He considered leaving the team in hopes of the "weakest link" being out, therefore strengthening the coalition itself. "What are you _talking_ about?" Keith has asked.

Lance was capable and had so much improvement since day one. He was flexible to changes, determined to do his job as the Blue Paladin, and had the team's trust. He might've been "just the cargo pilot" for the longest time, but he damn sure knew how to fly Blue. His spirit and charisma seemed almost unbeatable, even if he could be a little obnoxious sometimes.

No, Keith had to go. The team needed someone like Lance.

And three: He finally found his family. Sure, okay, he still wasn't comfortable in social situations. He still had trust issues. He was still impulsive, and moody, and pushy. But the team adjusted to him, and Keith - though he couldn't understand how or why - knew deep down they likely tried their best to make Keith feel like he belonged. _And, yeah, I don't Keith_ , thought.  _But they've stayed by my side. That was all I ever asked for. For someone to stay._

And now he had to leave.

 _For the war effort_ , he reminded himself, though he personally still felt as if he deserved to be isolated from the people who he could lose, the people in which he loved. He also believed _they_ deserved better as well.

 _Allura will have her father's proper legacy,_ Keith thought. She'd see her dream come true. _And Pidge won't have to worry about truy losing another brother... I refuse to die as a Blade, and I'm sure if I stay I'd be forced out in one way or another. Shiro can lead in peace. Lance can have his glory. Hunk... Well, I assume he won't be too affected by this..._

He was going to miss them all, and he still hadn't had the chance to truly tell Lance how he felt. That, at the end of the day, he had the most sincere respect and admiration and... love for the Blue Paladin.

Keith smiled. _He'll take on my role just fine._

*-*

Lance let himself cry wholeheartedly that night. 

Sobs escaped his throat, and at one time he was physically shaking with emotion. He couldn't explain it, but he felt connected to Keith. Watching Keith go was like watching a piece of himself be broken as well. He wanted Keith, and he knew deep down he needed him.

Lance had kept Keith under control, even though he sometimes was the very source of his temper. In return, Keith at least tried to open himself up. He gave Lance tips when training, returned the favor of being the voice of wisdom, and tolerated his many, terrible (and sometimes funny jokes). He had made Keith laugh, cry, smile... made him angry, irritated, but also content and more or less happy on multiple occasions, when they tried to relax into their relationship.

Sometimes Lance thought it was necessary to end their bond, though he never wanted to. He had been in fights with Keith and had been sometimes the only one on his side. Lance had been with him through thick and thin, and Lance didn't care about sorrow anymore. He wanted everything Keith could bring.

He'd stay faithful. Besides, he never once left Keith before. Not truly, anyways.

He just couldn't. Keith was just intertwined in his soul. He couldn't escape the walls he'd find himself trapped in.

 _If this is a trap,_ Lance thought. _I'm not leaving. Even if_ he _leaves... I'll be here._

_He'll still be here... at least in my heart._


	2. sunset of red and blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didnt even realize we were past the more angsty parts, huh XD
> 
> I thought I'd expand on this more, but oh well :p There's not as much to say now, so here, merp  
> ((The only reason I didn't expand on Lotor was because I didn't feel like making a whole season five chapter. I've already kind of done that in my group chat fic, you know?)

Lance held his breath as he watched his fellow paladin nearly crash into the deadly, bright planet. He was expecting the total end, his heart already twisting in despair. He was ready to scream, to cry, to give up all hope as soon as the planet were to explode from the impact. Tears already threatened to spill, and yet-

His despair never came.

Keith was alive.

Confused and in shock, Lance's eyes widened as Keith's ship was unharmed. 

_Keith was unharmed._

Lance _did_ cry: with relief, though the word barely gave it justice when considering how much Lance's faith in life itself - including the stupid war that caused him endless anguish - was revived in that very moment.

It was a miracle, though part of himself thought _"Did you really think Keith, as stubborn and rash as he, is going to die that quickly?"_

Lance made a promise to himself:

As soon as he was on ground level with Keith, he was going to give him a _real_ hug - Not the forced, halfhearted group hug he had with the rest of the group. No, this time it would be private, and he wouldn't be embarrssed, or fearful, or frustrated. He was going to sincerely - for once - push past his facade and hug Keith with all the love and appreciation he felt in his heart. Words couldn't do him justice, so perhaps an act of pure thankfullness will.

* * *

 Keith thought _I'm dead. That's it. I died. There will be no more space goo, fights, coming back to Earth...this is the end._

_Huh. I thought death would be more painful. What kind of afterlife-_

Keith opened his eyes.

He _wasn't_ dead.

Keith was so shocked he almost forgot to breathe. His heart was racing, his eyes wide when he could still see the previous image of the galaxy full of stars in front of him... Keith had a few moments to digest the mere fact he was alive. He somehow survived, even though of all previous times he simply couldn't die had been so much easier to avoid than this... How did he get so lucky- How did he get so blessed?

_I still had my family..._

His train of thought had only lasted seconds before he realized their next problem:

Lotor.

* * *

 Lance kept his promise.

As soon as Keith was on solid ground, recovered (mostly) from the traumatic event that was his self-sacrifice attempt, Lance ran up to him and clumsily embraced the shorter boy, shamelessly crying.

"Don't ever fucking do that ever again Mullethead or I'm going to-" The breath was knocked out of him as Keith hugged back with the same amount of force, and Lance allowed to be held against Keith's chest despite the height difference.

Keith's heart was beating fast, and Lance realized he was crying too. "I know, I know, I'm sorry... I just knew I couldn't let you all die. You are all Voltron. You have your purpose, and I had mine... You couldn't be the odd one out, Lance. You had to survive. You had to be on the frontlines, you had to be the hero, one who'd return to Earth and see their family..." Lance tightened his arms around Keith's torso and Keith managed to choke out "You couldn't have died."

"You can't either," said Lance firmly. "And you're Voltron too. You're our family. You're a hero- this whole instance proves it. You can't die, Kogane, not yet, not without me. Please. I love you." Lance caught his breath and said "Earth isn't worth it without you. And I swear to all that's holy that we _will_ survive and when we do return to Earth you're coming with me."

His voice became a whisper, and Keith smiled and titled Lance's head up. Lance thought he looked quite angelic.

"I believe you. There's nothing that can keep me from you... I'll come to Earth, if you so wish..."

"Yes!" Lance cried, holding Keith this time. "Yes," he whispered in the other boy's ear. "Please."

"I will. I promise."

"And... please, come visit your family here and there."

"That is the only thing I regret... I will. I will try. I'm a fucking mess, sure-" He laughed with no humor. "But I'll try."

Lance smiled. "That would be enough." He grabbed Keith's hand.

Keith welcomed the physical contact. He no longer wanted to run.

The war would continue to test both their trust and strength, but they weren't having another farewell soon, that was for sure. Of all the chaos and anarchy of both physical and spiritual obstacles in their beloved galaxy, one thing was certain:

They finally had each other, and they were a team until- and beyond- the end.

And it's _not_ the ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might make more after season five hits but then again i'm busy so lmao idk <3 if you ever want to scream about voltron with me feel free fam

**Author's Note:**

> welp i tried!  
> tumblr: queennyxie.tumblr.com  
> more klance by me is shown in this series. i promise they go more in-depth than this :)


End file.
